Beginning of "The Biography of a Nobody"

7/9/2018

Although its PROMISED (night "Caps" to be big enough for whole New Page or website, right now in good tradici of Espresso we sharing this color-mixed notes. Its just from beaks of jungle birds and lips of flying foxes and has a powerful beginning". Big Buffalo approved by!

THIS BOOK HAS NO COPYRIGHT

For me, writing a book like this one is simply the expression and the materialization of my thought; while copyright is the belief that I should own the product of those thoughts. Even if it’s true that some are real artists in the way they express themselves, and therefore they should be allowed to make an income from it, how can we believe that we could own something as superficial as a thought? – Only through conditioning

Just so that the readers understand well my lifestyle: I have never been on government welfare; or received an unemployment program compensation or similar; nor won the lottery; or inherited any money from my family or anyone else; or been involved in any illegal activity as a subsidized income anytime in my life. Neither have I ever gone to a food bank or any community shelter, as I believe that I have the physical and mental ability to work and make a living for myself by myself – I have just decided to voluntarily minimize my work force availability by personal choice and lifestyle.

Throughout my life, I’ve considered myself to be bold and fearless most of the time. Hundreds of times did I risk my life for the sake of adrenaline or irrational decisions. But luckily for me, I always managed to get out of it injury-free.

However, in 2011-2012, the year I contracted my mortgage and proposed to my girlfriend, I got injured 7 times in a row - somehow all on the right side of my body; mainly from doing nothing more than the usual - which kept me away from working and climbing longer than ever before.
Even if my cheap lifestyle helps me to keep my bank account afloat, my goals of repaying my mortgage as quickly as possible slowly vanished at every injury.

Usually I always stay calm and positive no matter what life brings me; believing that a positive attitude always brings a positive outcome. But on the 10th of February 2012, I tore a ligament in my knee for the first time in my life. As a result, I could not even move my lower body at all without unbearable pain. I was on the edge of blowing a fuse - and that was only injury #3.
I could not understand what was happening to me. I had barely recovered from my previous injuries, I was getting excited to get back in shape again, then - Bang! - Always going lower and deeper down the slope instead. But somehow, the day after that third injury, I received a really inspiring email from a good friend of mine. It was about the quest of pursuing the purpose of his life. I deeply felt that it could not have been a coincidence. So I took it as a sign, and started an introspection of my life

As I analyzed myself, I realized that climbing had took such an important space in my life, that I had neglected pretty much everything that was not related to climbing.
For the last 7 years, I had focused my life full time around rock climbing; travelling for climbing, working for climbing, and living only for climbing.
I just thought I was happy with that! But what if life wanted me to do something more out of my potential?

How could it keep me away from climbing long enough so I could change my focus and maybe find something more out of life?
There was no other way than being physically handicapped; so it had to happen that way I guess! Thus, after a short tantrum against life,
I took those injuries as a sign to start changing my focus away from climbing; at least for some time.

OK! So now I understand that life cannot be only about rock climbing, at least not for me now! But what is it about? What am I looking for? Where should I start?

To be honest, I didn’t know where to start. Many times I had a feeling of being lost emerging inside me; telling me I was not on the right track; but only a blank page would emerge in my rational mind to tell me in which direction I should seek. Feeling lost and not knowing what to do, I kept looking deeper within myself. As a result, I was changing fast because I was allowing an opening that I had never dared to explore before, but I was totally blind without knowing at all where to go or what to look for.

Without being able to move much, all I could think of doing that could be constructive and positive at that moment, was reading. So I started reading a book of Eckhart Tolle (The New Earth) that my roommate had passed me randomly, and it was life changing! There could not have been a better book for me to read at that exact moment in my life. From that book, my curiosity brought me to learn and read about many other subjects that I felt inspired to read after the knowledge of the previous one; like a chain reaction.

With my incapacity to move around, the recent purchase of my first computer, and the connection to my first internet services ever, I discovered the full potential of the World Wide Web for the first time. Prior to that period, my relationship with the internet was only functional to use the public library computer to an average of once every 2-3 weeks; usually to check my e-mails quickly and the weather forecast; for climbing purposes obviously. When I entered the cyber space with so much time to lose for the first time, I was amazed how much information I could find and absorb from the virtual world.

I read non-stop for 3 months, and would also do some physiotherapy on my own to help my knee recover as quickly as possible; which I had just learned from the internet. As I eventually got better, I started walking and eventually managed to do some light hiking in the mountains behind my place; which got me excited as I was healing fast. I discovered all these beautiful trails that were just next door for all those years, but which I had never dared to explore because of the inexistence of climbing opportunity attached to it. It opened my eyes to how much I was missing for the purpose of only climbing more.

But I guess it was not time for me to restart climbing or working yet, because out of nowhere, I got one after another, injuries #4-5-6. I was definitely not happy. I first thought that it was the consequence of aging or the sudden arising of injuries due to the over abuse that I had inflicted on my body in the last few years; but I eventually decided to keep my focus on the positive aspects, and restarted reading full time. Thus, from the last few books I had read, my personal curiosity was slowly bringing me toward reading more about esoteric and spiritual “stuff”. Eventually, without knowing too much about it, I soon had a strong intuition that I should go on a meditation retreat on my own in order to find the purpose of all what was happening to me.

Not long after that, my fiancée announced me that she would be gone for 6 weeks by the end of September to go back to her hometown for her best friend’s wedding and to visit her family. So even if I first thought it would be a very long absence from her, I eventually took this opportunity to plan my meditation retreat in that period.

Without having any clue of what I was doing, I spontaneously decided to plan a 21 day meditation retreat including one week of a full fast. So the first week would be to decrease my food intake, the second week would be the full fast, and the third week would be to restart eating slowly. Only months after did I read more than once that 21 days of meditation is something really common for those who meditate intensively. Prior to that planned event, I don’t think I was ever truly alone for more than 24 hours in my whole life. Probably not even 12 hours!

So my plan was to start my meditation retreat on my 33rd birthday, which was only a few days after my fiancée would leave the country. So I had about 4 months to recover slowly, find a nice sanctuary in the mountain for my solo retreat as soon as I could hike again, and try a one week full fast at home in order to learn more about the process and the effects that fasting could have on my body. My goal was only to find peace of mind through meditation, and maybe the new purpose of my life if possible; not to kill myself. So faced with so much unknown, I wanted to gain more knowledge about what to expect on my journey alone in the mountains.
In those next few months, I read more books and said yes to any special opportunities that were suggested to me that I thought might be useful for my spiritual development. Soon enough, I saw a meditation gathering from people I didn’t know in my building complex; which I joined with enthusiasm. From that first meeting, I met my future Reiki master (healing teacher using her body as a channel to send the healing energy from the source) with whom I passed a few days later, my Reiki level 1. Then I accepted the invitation to a shaman ritual from a good friend of mine, even if I had absolutely no clue at all what to expect. I said yes to everything that I would not usually do prior to that year. Primarily because climbing was before so important to me, but also because all those classes cost each a couple of hundred dollars; which before I would have never dared to spend due to my cheap lifestyle.

After a few more months, my physical health seemed to get a lot better, so I agreed to accept a little work contract to help out, and see if my physical condition was really better. It was hard work under hard conditions; and mainly working that hard after such a long rest, made me feel more than exhausted after only a few days. I then realized that working in construction was not for me anymore. I did enjoy everything I had learned in the past 8 years I had worked in the trade. The manual skills that I developed, the responsibility that was entrusted to me, and the increasing wage I would earn to maximize my climbing freedom. But in the end, there was always one annoying thing that bothered me when working in construction - the constant necessity to inflate my ego to not be stepped over by bigger macho egos in the trade.
It is a constant fight to prove your skills and abilities in this tough environment. From personal experience, I considered it to be impossible in the long run to work in construction with a small ego without being stepped over by other people in the trade; and be respected and paid relatively to our competence without over-boosting our ego to prove ourselves. Accordingly, in order to survive the years I was working in construction, I inflated mine from time to time. But then, with the culmination of all my recent injuries, and the inner-transformation I was going through, I decided that construction was not for me anymore; at least not in that way. So I stopped working after only 5 days.

My fiancée seeing me physically fine to restart an active life, started to worry about my extended convalescence; and kindly reminded me of my financial obligation with the bank for my mortgage. But I told her that although I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for, I had a strong feeling that I was getting really close to something important for my development; and that I must stay focused on doing what I felt right in order to find my new life’s purpose - with so much love for me, she never asked me again to go find work.

I was for sure slowly eating through all my savings, and only paying the minimum for my mortgage obligation when the initial plan was to pay back the maximum possible. But my new focus became such a priority in my life that I was careless about the rest. Nevertheless, I did make a promise to my fiancée. I told her that I would not look for work now, but if somehow work found me with the conditions and the wage I wanted, then I would consider it as a sign to restart working more for a bit.

I don’t know how, but only 2 weeks before my planned retreat, work found me in the exact condition I requested. It was supposed to be for only one week, but with the owner’s enthusiasm for my help, he ended up requesting more work from me that ended up stretching all the way to the very last minute of the day I had promised myself I would be on top of the mountain for the beginning of my meditation retreat.'

In the previous month, I hiked dozens of times in the mountain behind my place. And finally found the perfect spot for my retreat that overlooked my town, the ocean and the surrounding mountains. A few days earlier, I did a first trip with a few necessities, where I brought a tent, a tarp, and some water jugs. But as I was so busy with that last minute job that stretched to the very last day I was willing to work, I ended up unprepared without knowing what to bring for food in my retreat.

I knew from my first fasting experience that I wanted to bring only fresh organic raw fruit and vegetables. But as I finished working at about 3pm the same day I was supposed to go up to the mountain for the beginning of my retreat, I ended up stressed as I arrived at the grocery store because I only had 3 hours left before the night would fall, and the hike up should take me at least 2 hours with my heavy rucksack full of food. So without thinking twice, I just decided to fill up my 20 liter backpack with as much fresh fruit and veggies as I could fit in. Some ready to eat now, and some green and hard to be eaten in 2 weeks after my fast.

33

Rushing everything before the night would fall, I finally made it to the top of my refuge just before it got too dark. I then sat down for a few minutes, feeling the silence and lonesomeness, overlooking the mountains around, and the light of my town lighting up as the remaining daylight was quickly fading - I was excited about what was about to begin.'

I woke up the morning after, and I was 33 years old. I thought it to be a really important number, but for what? I wasn’t so sure, but I had the strong feeling that it would be an important year for me. So I started the day by rearranging my little sanctuary. I was so much in working mode from the last two crazy weeks at work, that I could not stop myself working around. I ended up working most of the day, rearranging my camp set up, camouflaging my tent, collecting some fire wood, and building a trail of a few hundred meters to the closest river so I could have easy access to my water source.

Then, after all that work, I was so hungry, that I ate without thinking twice. I meditated a bit that first day, but without any clue how to start it. In the previous few months, I had told pretty much all my friends about my retreat plans. Many had tried to encourage me to learn from pre-established techniques, or gave me the reference of books that discuss about the vast knowledge of meditation. ''

Even if I felt tempted many times, in the end, my intuition directed me to do my retreat without any of those external influences, and to trust my Higher-Self to be able to find my personal way to meditate. All I had with me about meditation was one sentence hint from my Reiki teacher.

When I first met her, I told her about my difficulty to meditate and reach peace of mind. But she quickly corrected me by telling me that meditation was more about the intention of reaching peace of mind. From that, it was enough of a revelation for me to start working on my own, and to find the true meaning of meditation. Thus, my plan was to meditate as much as I could when I felt ok to do so, but without pushing over my comfortable level. To help me pass through these 21 days of unknown experience, I also set a plan to keep myself busy with yoga, physical exercise, tai chi, and Reiki my body, my food, and my drinking water from the river.
My main goal was to reach peace of mind, which I had never experienced for more than a few seconds at the most before. And if possible, to find myself a new way to make a living since I was not so keen to return to working in construction anymore. To make sure I gave myself the best opportunity to reach peace of mind the easiest way, I avoided to bring anything that could add more information to my brain. So I brought no books, no music, no electronic gadgets (except a cell phone in case of an emergency), and no substances at all that could alter my natural state of mind.
All I had carried to keep my mind busy was a notebook and a pencil to keep track of my experience. I knew that food could also be a factor that could alter my natural state of mind, and that’s why I had planned a full week of fasting for the second week of my retreat.'

On the second day, I kept working a little more on the camp set-up, the camouflage of my tent, the water trail, and collected more firewood for the cold night. Then, at mid-day for lunch (my first meal of the day), I realized as I ate that there didn’t seem to be that much food left considering I had only been up there for less than a day and a half. I counted again to double check, and I realized that at that pace I would barely have enough food for my first week!

After the 4th day of that continuous rain, a two hour breach eventually got me out of my tent. I stood up for the first time since the rain started, and walked about 7 meters (20 feet) to my usual meditation platform. It hurt so much! My legs were so shaky under my weight, atrophied by too much rest, that I had to hold myself on a tree for a while to gain my balance back.
Also, the inactivity caused my feet to swell so much that they felt numb the whole time I was able to stay outside that day. But the worst-of-all was my back, my shoulders, and my neck that hurt even more; because I had forced my bony frame to lay down for too long on the hard ground that was under my tent. With that little clearing window, I tried to stretch a bit and do some tai chi, but unfortunately, by the time I could start moving a bit, the rain returned, and back I was in my tent.

I thought I was well prepared as I had brought up double of all the warm clothes I thought I would need in case they would get wet; but somehow, despite being an experienced mountaineer, I managed to forget my rain gear.

Before that improvised retreat of mine, I thought I had lived a life close to the extreme already. I had accumulated under my belt a considerable amount of difficult experiences from the alpine summit and the climbing epic I went through. Nevertheless, that second week of my meditation retreat was by far the hardest and most intense experience I had ever lived physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. But as I always say to myself when hardship is challenging me: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! So I somehow motivated myself to stay up there thinking that there was still something more to be learned.

At the end of that second week, I went out of my tent no more than 4 hours in 7 days. I constantly had to wipe dry the water drips on all the seams, and had mold all over my things which were not in plastic bags. I was constantly cold day and night, and my body hurt like I was being continuously tortured by Mother Nature.

I’m usually the kind of guy that never gives up until I have tried absolutely everything. I’m often judged as someone being arrogantly stubborn. But wisdom teaches me that our destination should never be the goal by itself. On the contrary, it’s the journey toward our destination that makes us who we are.
So from that and the anticipation of the forecast, I decided to leave in 5 days; for a total of 19 days instead of 21. First, because I wanted to eat the food I brought up to lighten my way down, but mainly because I thought I needed at least that long to feed myself and gain my strength back so I could have the energy necessary to be able to carry myself down with my heavy backpack.
Restarting to eat again after a long enough fast is an amazing experience by itself. All our senses light up at the same time like it was the first time. It’s like rediscovering something that was almost forgotten. No need for salt, spices, or sauces. The real taste of pure fresh fruit is an amazing experience to be re-explored. I could literally feel my body being re-energized at every bite; like a cup of coffee for each of my individual cells. After my first meal of an avocado, an apple, and a banana, I felt so much better.

Consequently, I felt that the last week should be an easy task. The only issue was that my notebook was almost full. Every day I would write smaller and smaller; but still, by day 15, only one page was left. I was wondering how I would feel without being able to express my thoughts. I thought maybe I should just meditate more in the case that I find myself bored.
Unfortunately, Mother Nature had another plan for me. That night, only a few hours after I ate my first meal, I woke up with a giant crazy storm that hit my refuge.

And for hours, branches and dead trees up to the size of my head started falling everywhere around me. It was so powerfully windy that the 20 anchor points of my tent ripped out one by one. The only reason why my tent was still on the ground, was obviously because I was still inside. But with my new light weight, I was slightly worried about the possibility of flying off the cliff. Even if I had put my life on the line more than once, I was a little scared without my normal strength. Thus, after a few hours of wondering and weighing up the risks, I decided to start packing my stuff feeling that it must be a sign of the supreme force telling me that I had learned everything I needed for now; and that it was now time for me to abort my mission.

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